As the idea to write about mentorship popped into my head and when I actually sat down to begin writing, my heart automatically filled with so much gratitude.

Whether you have a mentor in your life or you have the privilege to be one to others, we can all identify a time in our lives when we were positively influenced by someone (usually someone who is older or has reached a certain milestone that you hope to achieve).

Think back to your younger years for a quick second. Maybe it was a teacher, or a coach, or a babysitter. They either said something that made you feel more confident or valued. Maybe they assisted you in a certain project or sport. They saw you struggle and not give up. Their support was what helped you finally begin to see, “Wow. I CAN do this.” Whether you realized it or not within your adolescent mind at the time, that person was a mentor to you. They helped you challenge your current beliefs, guided you to improve despite obstacles, and celebrated your wins with you.

Most of our early mentors were brought to us purely through circumstance. You were part of a certain school district which already came with a specific set of teachers and coaches. Maybe your parents had a family friend that became your babysitter, which isn’t something that you really had a choice over.

The difference with adulthood, though, is that we have a choice. While the number of choices may feel daunting to some, there is so much power in choice. More importantly, there is so much power in those who you choose to surround yourself with, especially mentors.

From my late teens and even now at 26, I honestly believe that apart from my own hard work, I am the person I am today because of the mentors I’ve had along the way. While most of them were circumstantial, I still made the choice to stick with them. Some of them I still keep in contact with till this day, even if it’s not consistent. Life stages change and we may not have the most routine communication with our mentors, but I believe the bond between a mentor and mentee never really fades despite time and distance.

I hope that one day I’m able to become a mentor to someone, because I know what a deeply positive effect it can have on your perspective. While none of us will ever be perfect or have all the answers, I’ve come to find that the most successful mentors I’ve had in life thus far all share these similar traits:

1. They are a witness to your failures
   • No goal is achieved in a straight line. There are often pitfalls, distractions, and everything in between. A great mentor knows that and will never promise you a road with no failures. They are a witness to your failures because they expect them and know that they are a necessary part of your journey. They know that a failure will often lead to something greater, although we may not see it at the moment

2. While book knowledge is important, great mentors speak from personal experience
   • A subject matter expert is an important factor of being a great mentor, you can’t teach what you don’t know. Great mentors are just that because they have lived through whatever it is that they are mentoring you on. They’ve experienced the hardships and challenges, have seen your specific field or subject matter through a different lens, and are able to speak to what they may or may not have done differently. They’ve paved the way for you. Trust their experience. 
3. They hold you accountable to the result of your actions
   • While failures are a key component to success, success will always take action and we are responsible for that action. Our mentors can lay out plans for us, but it is up to us to uphold our end of the deal. It’s a relationship where the work flows both ways. A great mentor will show you how to get there, while also holding you accountable to make sure you get to where you need to be.  
4. Your successes are their successes, and it does not have to benefit them
   • Oftentimes when I’ve celebrated any sort of win, I express deep gratitude to my mentors for getting me there. However, what I find is that they celebrate me far more than I celebrate myself. They are deeply moved by the progress I’ve made despite it having very little to do with them. My success was their ultimate reward. 
5. They have genuine love for you
   • It’s no surprise that there are coaching and mentorship offerings that have very surface level connections. It gives off a “transactional” feel, where you don’t really get to connect with the person who’s teaching you. I truly believe that a great mentor loves the person you are and is excited about who you’re becoming. They care about you and your progress so much that they invest so much time and energy into you. It’s worth more than just a paycheck to them, it’s a true honor to guide you. 

If there is any area of your life where you feel that someone’s experience can help you reach a goal, or you just need a little more guidance, I will forever recommend finding a great mentor for the reasons above and more. Trust your gut until you find the one that works for you, and I’m sure the experience will be worthwhile.